Fear of Abandonment

Fear of Abandonment
Fear of abandonment can drive other people you care about away from you. The insecurity fueled by fear of abandonment spoils enjoyment and squeezes the health out of your relationships.

There is usually a clear cause of fear of abandonment. Maybe you have had many 'failed relationships' where people have walked away from you. Perhaps you have got into the habit off becoming involved with people who are in some way unavailable and are more likely to leave you feeling abandoned. Then again issues of abandonment may partially stem from feeling abandoned emotionally and/or physically as a child.

Fear of abandonment is a self-fulfilling prophecy

As human beings we all need people. Most of us fear being abandoned at some point, but for those for whom fear of abandonment is a major issue then the fear starts to control them and their relationships. Can you afford to have your life controlled by the fear of abandonment any longer?

If someone's greatest worry is that they will 'just be abandoned again' or that people 'always let you down in the end' then they will tend to 'live defensively'. This means they will be constantly on the look out for signs they are about to be abandoned. This may lead to over-controlling behavior in a relationship which in turn may leave them more likely to actually be abandoned. It is, in the truest sense, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Fear of abandonment and 'clinginess'

Fear of abandonment may have been making you over-clingy, behaving desperately and seeking intimacy too quickly in friendships and relationships.

When people overwhelmingly fear abandonment they may feel that any 'wrong word' they say or act of insensitivity on their part may cause a friendship or intimate relationship to come crashing down around them. They may feel they have to 'tread on egg shells' all the time, and are prepared to put up with all kinds of bad treatment because they don't want to be risk being abandoned. They become emotionally blackmailed by their own over-sensitivity.

But of course relationships need to be relaxed and we need to be able to speak our minds when appropriate and not fear being abandoned at the drop of a hat.

Unconscious reasons for fear of abandonment

If you felt abandoned when young then your unconscious mind may be on the look out for any tiny sign that it might happen again. This might be happening even if things are, in reality, secure. In this way your unconscious may be training to match up currently reality to past reality without realizing on an emotional level that you are stronger and more able now or that the fear is unjustified. This is like a bird whose cage door has been opened but who remains trapped inside because the changed circumstances haven't really registered.

Overcome Fear of Abandonment will use deep relaxation to build your confidence as a person and make you feel more relaxed around relationships generally. Imagine when you can go from desperately needing relationships to merely wanting them as a complement to your life.